Home » Blog Subscribe to RSS Feed

I’ve Never Heard of That BeforeThis is a phrase that gets used a lot with our dog. For example, the conversation goes like this:
Home Depot Guy – You can use this clip on the dog run.
Us – No, our dog can undo those.
Home Depot Guy – Then use a Caribeaner.
Us – No, he can unscrew them.
Home Depot Guy – Really!? I’ve Never Heard of That Before.
Read more »

Don’t Fence Me InAnyone who has ever gotten close to a pet can tell you that they think and feel. Maybe not the same as people, but pretty darn near it. In the never-ending quest to distinguish humanity from animals, the researchers have told us that humans are the only ones who use tools, who have true language, who feel emotions. This has all been proved pretty much untrue – and if it hadn’t been, I could have shown it with Hercamer. And, with Hercamer, I can show that humans don’t have the monopoly on insanity either.
First, Hercamer is an eleven-year-old Terrier/German Shepherd mix (we think). And, no he’s not named after the war general, the town in New York, or the Diamond mines. While those are all great ideas, our Hercamer is named after a childhood imaginary friend. (It’s really best if you just don’t ask.)
Read more »

While I am familiar with the physics term ‘anti-matter’, I don’t necessarily agree that this is the best use of the words. I am becoming more convinced that the term shouldn’t be used as a noun describing a substance that exists to counterbalance matter as we know it. Or maybe, since ‘matter’ itself already has two meanings, ‘anti-matter’ can, too.
Because I can think of a lot of things that anti-matter. They don’t just fail to matter, they anti-matter. They suck meaning out of other things, maybe out of life.
I’m not just talking about your average conundrum like diet soda. Yes, it’s a conundrum. You drink it to stay thin – and therefore attractive. But all the chemicals actually age your skin faster. They age your body faster, too, making your kidneys work overtime. But that’s not what ‘anti-matter’ is about. That’s just a poor diet.
Read more »

Let me start with this statement: I love Chaos, even though I think most of her problems are my fault.
You deserve what you get when you name a dog ‘Chaos’. I named her, therefore it’s my fault. But I love her.
Chaos is the second of our two dogs (and I am certain you will hear much more about both of them.) When we got her, she was a sweet, skinny little thing, so excited to be rescued from the pound that naming her ‘Chaos’ just didn’t seem so ominous. And her chaotic tendencies were funny because I knew she’d grow out of them.
My bad.
Read more »

TiredJust in case the telemarketers weren’t bad enough, there are just general rude people out there using phones. They mumble (or yell!) ‘wrong number’ and hang up on you. Hey, I got out of my chair – I left my work – to answer your wrong number, an apology wouldn’t kill you, would it?
When I lived in Florida there were a lot of wrong numbers. It’s just facts that Florida has a lot of old people and that a lot of old people don’t see so good. So they often punch the wrong digits on the phone. This is understandable. What’s not understandable is the person on the other end calling me a name because I tell them that I’m not Love’s Buffet. I was once accused of holding out a coupon on a microwave for a different senior. I swore up and down that I wasn’t at WalMart and that he’d called a private residence, but apparently Sheila (whoever she was) had used her wiles to get her way at WalMart and I was clearly on Sheila’s side. By that point I was firmly on the side of mandatory eye exams for everyone over sixty, but nobody was listening to me. (Maybe because they couldn’t hear?)
Read more »

Where has decency gone?You may not have it in you to harass telemarketers simply for calling your house. While this has never stopped me, I do understand that they are just doing their job and that the job probably sucks in general. So having me call them a home-wrecker may not light up their day.
Still, you probably agree on my second point: if you call me then you’re rude to me, all bets are off. I faced this one just last week. I was mad at myself for answering the phone in the first place, but the woman verbally backed me into a corner. I really didn’t want to tell her that I’ve fallen prey to $80 annual charges before because I forgot to do the oh-so-easy call-back in 30 days to cancel. I wound up just being short with her, when I could have done so much more. *sigh* Opportunity lost is so sad.
Read more »

Fun with TelemarketersIt was the internet pop-up that got you, wasn’t it? The one that had you saying ‘but Honey, they’ll send me a free laptop/plane ticket/gas card/you name it. The set-ups all look good until you realize that you can’t possibly subscribe to enough magazines to get said ‘free gift’ and by that point it’s too late. They have what they need – your email, your name, your address, and – worst! – your home phone number.
Then, they start calling. We don’t need the Birds or the Thing or Jaws anymore. We have telemarketers! It’s downright scary answering the phone when caller ID won’t tell you anything. Then you’re stuck. No, I don’t want a new cellular service. I have no desire to remodel my house. There is nothing – nothing! – you can say to make me want dish TV. And I don’t owe you an explanation why or another minute of my time.
My personal favorite thing to say is something I saw eons ago on TV. I think it was Ellen DeGeneres who was asked if she wanted to subscribe to the paper. She enthusiastically said ‘yes!’ then promptly hung up. The caveat here is that I think they can call you back.
Read more »