Archive for February, 2011:
Einstein’s Closet
Most of us are familiar with the image of Albert Einstein in his black suit, black shoes, black tie (if he was wearing one) and hair that looked like it hadn’t made friends with a comb in maybe all of his life. You may not be as familiar with the explanation for this that’s floating around out there. It seems to come from ‘they’. You know, the great and infamous ‘they’ who say any number of things that have no true source. I have heard this one from several people who both started the explanation with “They say that Einstein dressed that way because his brain was too busy with the Theory of Relativity to be bothered with things like his clothes.”
I’m not sure I fall into that belief system. I’m not sure I’m buying what ‘they’ are selling here. If Einstein was so smart, how come he couldn’t contemplate the universe AND look good while doing it? This makes me question his genius all together.
Maybe Einstein wasn’t crazy smart, maybe he just used what little brain power he had and laser-focused it to that one thing. I’m thinking he no longer recognized his own home or even his sister, Maja. You didn’t know he had a sister, did you? This is because for all his writings and works, he didn’t mention her. I’m thinking it’s because he forgot he had a sister. (Is it okay that I point out the irony that this man came up with the ‘theory of relativity’ while leaving his sister out of the picture?)
I’m guessing that Einstein ignored the rules of convention the deeper he got into his theories. I surmise that as his attention got more focused, he probably forgot to eat on a regular schedule, wake at an appropriate time, maybe bathe regularly? You can see where I’m headed with this.
Are You Smarter Than a Toilet?
You might think this is a stupid question. Of course you are smarter than a toilet. But pause for a moment: a lot of people thought they were smarter than fifth graders, too. You might not fare as well as you might guess in a head-to-head battle with your toilet. (Okay, sorry. ‘Head to head’ is a bad term to use here!)
I thought I was smarter than my toilet, too. Instead, my toilet has won a number of battles this year. It started with the Nashville flood last May. Though my toilet didn’t experience flood problems, my lower floor did. In an effort to fix the problem we tried to duplicate the flood (I know, crazy idea.) So we ran a LOT of water under our house. But it worked, we figured out the problem and fixed it. Sadly, our toilet got in on the game . . .
When our water bill was high, we didn’t think anything of it – we’d been running a ton of water under the house. The next month the bill was high again. But we’d run the water several times, so maybe we straddled the water bill dates? Putting some of the water use on one bill and some on the next? . . . But the next month the bill was very high again! There was no excess that time. What was going on?
We checked our overall usage. The water-nazi in our house asked if we had been taking longer showers or brushing our teeth about twenty times as often as before. No, the children didn’t suddenly smell better and no one had nubs instead of teeth. New tack, water-nazi!
Punchbuggy!
A lot of people play Punchbuggy (or ‘Slugbug’ as it is known in some alternate universes.) A while ago, my family instituted Punchbuggy as a way to pass time on car trips. Though we are fully aware of airplanes and in-car DVD players, we aren’t all that fond of either one. And we do like road trips. We like having our own car, we like being able to stop whenever we want, and we really like each other’s company. Punchbuggy may have changed that last part though.
As with any family game, it took a while to establish the ground rules. Ours are:
1) No hitting. We are aware that our first rule is a violation of all that Punchbuggy is. So what? We didn’t want to teach our children to hit each other.
2) New bugs = 1 pt, Convertibles = 2 pts, Classic Beetles = 2 pts, Classic Convertibles = 3pts, a dealership full of Bugs = 4 pts, and a car carrier full of Beetles can be claimed and he who claims it shall get all the points on board. This is really the ‘holy grail’ of our Punchbuggy game, and no one has found it yet.
3) Call out “Punchbuggy” then the color. This way if you want the blue one and someone else saw the yellow there doesn’t have to be a fight. There is however a silent war brewing and sides are quietly being chosen between those who call colors such as “red” “blue” and “yellow” and those who yell out “Punchbuggy Pewter” or “Citrine”
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Homeless Newspaper
You are likely having the same problem right now that I have most days when I drive into town. What does “homeless newspaper” mean?!?!? This title made it into a “Grammatical Crimes Squad” entry earlier, but has now earned its own spot . . . why? Because I don’t get it.
This all started when I saw a man on the side of the road hawking newspapers. This isn’t uncommon in big cities. If you aren’t familiar with the process, it goes like this: spend change to get paper from an old vendor box (you can grab as many as you want – it’s kind of honor-system based), and grab the whole pile. Then sell the papers for less than the standard price from a prime spot on the side of the road. Make profit!
Having been in LA for a while, this was what I expected in Nashville, too. But this man wore a nice apron with a clear section on the front, into which he had slipped a printed page that read:
Homeless Paper
The Contributor
$1.00
