Archive for August, 2011:
Recently Sis had her second episode of something disturbing. (You should first understand that during the winter months we refer to her as “Sicky McSickerson” or just “Plague”. So Sis having strange symptoms didn’t really strike us as all that odd . . .)
The first time this happened, she found a post on her Facebook one morning . . . a post she had made. And it said she was going to see “Billy Elliot”. She didn’t remember posting this. Nor did she have plans to see “Billy” (She’d already seen it twice!). But lo and behold, her credit card told a different story: Sis was not only the proud owner of a pair of “Billy” tickets, but they were for a show in North Carolina . . . where we don’t know anyone. It’s a good thing she and Brother-in-Law were free.
The thing was, Sis had taken a sleeping pill (something prescription) before bed. And she had gone to bed, then apparently gotten up with a jones for some Billy Elliot tickets. Just this week, she did it again. This time she hit Amazon and ordered up a book of all the dirty signs in American Sign Language. Yes, that’s my sister cussing you out in ASL, we are so proud.
Clearly, if Sis takes sleep meds again, she’ll need to be locked in somewhere or at least have her computer taken away. But who knows? Maybe Home Shopping will be her next stop. I’m not sure she can afford to sleep!
In case you haven’t guessed already, I have a vivid imagination. When I lived in LA, I would drive down the 405 and see all traffic heading down the hills in front of me. You could see the irritation and impatience on the faces of the other drivers as you passed them . . . or as you sat there next to each other . . . for a while. When I walked around grumpy or mad at my day, I would imagine a dark cloud over me. It wasn’t the rainy, bouncy cloud in cartoons, but really almost like black smoke coming off of me and therefore trailing me everywhere I went.
This all left me wondering . . . could psychics see these black clouds that HAD to be there on some plane? I couldn’t be in that bad of a mood and have no manifestation of it, right? And if it could be seen by some when I walked down the street, did they look down the 405 and simply see a long line of black? Did the fact that people tended to sit – rather than drive – on the 405 keep the clouds from dispelling? Make it linger? Would it be visible from outer space, like the Great Wall of China?
Yes, I wonder about these things.
Thoughts like this sit in my brain and roll around. Sometimes they become books, sometimes they become weird things I say that make people look at me odd. Even my friends (who can be odd themselves) will still look at me and wonder where it comes from. But you can see here, there’s a very logical progression to these musings.
Email is a part of all our lives. If you’re like me, you have several different accounts for different things. I have a ‘trash’ account that I use whenever I sign up for something or buy something online – which means I will get advertising in perpetuity from these companies. I also have a work account.
I don’t get to set the filters on my work account the way I’d like (See Deliver Us From Email parts 1 & 2) and this means I can’t get some emails from co-workers, yet I’ll still get links to porn sites. And about once a week I have to go into a separate inbox and clean out all the ads for penile enhancement. Clearly, it’s not the best system.
Recently, I have been getting a series of personal looking emails from Tatyana and Palina. These ladies have targeted me as a potential candidate for marriage – never mind that I’m already married. Even if I wasn’t, our wedding would not be recognized in 40+ states. So I have no idea why they are after me.
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Lately, we have all been passing gas. Yes, you’ve been doing it, too, even if you didn’t know you were. And it’s not okay.
I’m not talking about farting, I’m talking about letting the big gas companies get away with gouging prices. You’ve been giving them a pass, and so have I . . . but we have to stop.
Let’s start with some gassy facts: prices have gone up in recent years. And have gotten up so high that many Americans are changing their work schedules or vacations so they have to drive less. According to one source, gas prices have risen a $1.50 per gallon in the last six years (though the lowest to highest price difference over the six years is closer to $2.50). Back in 1979 gas was roughly 80c a gallon. . . now we are close to or even over $4 per gallon in some places.
About ten years ago I helped my sister move out to Los Angeles, which involved taking I-40 from East Tennessee all the way to the Pacific. As we neared the Mojave, gas prices climbed until we hit our ‘last stop gas shop’ where we had to pay . . . . two whole dollars per gallon! The whole time the pump worked, we kept saying “Thank you sir, may I have another?” Now what I wouldn’t give for $2 a gallon gas.
You can see Show-n-Tell Part 1 in the archives.
They say a picture can say a thousand words, but I don’t think these can get a word in edgewise over the sounds of snickering. Enjoy!
There’s an old lady somewhere saying ‘oh, that’s just adorable’. And there’s a single man somewhere saying ‘why’s there a stupid dog on it?’
Wanna order you one? You can read the phone number in the lower left hand corner!
Comments about your wiener right there on your doorstep: Priceless!
Yes, we have come to the new age. You can buy sparkling ICE FLAVORED WATER!! I particularly like that it says: More value for the way you live.
See you next week Chickens! Don’t wind up in anyone’s soup!
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You can pre-order my third book God’s Eye now and get a free book with your order! God’s Eye will retail for $14.99. Order the Angels and Demons package now for the same price and get:
Personally autographed copy of God’s Eye
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