Archive for November, 2011:
Even the Amish Be Haters – or Why Your Christmas Isn’t So Bad
I’m not sure where to start with this, but it bears repeating. With all that we are focused on the economy and Black Friday and on the ongoing saga of Occupy Wall Street, there is something serious afoot: Amish on Amish crime.
I have to admit that when I first read about this I checked for the ONN (Onion News Network) logo in the corner. Then I checked my calendar and it’s nowhere near April first. What is happening? Has the world gone crazy? What with the recent spate of holidays (Halloween, Nigel Tufnel day (11-11-11) and Thanksgiving) we seemed to have missed the hate a-brewing in the middle of Ohio. I thought the only thing in the middle of that state was the fictional Glee high school.
There has recently been a rash of hate crimes that are striking fear deep into the heart of the Ohio Amish. Splinter groups are roaming the hills and attacking Amish men and women and cutting their hair!
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A Cabin in the Woods
I have to start with saying how lucky I am. I moved to Nashville for the job opportunities, low cost of living and ability to have some land but still be in a neighborhood. After three months of getting used to a new place, I ran into an old friend at church. He’s married to another old friend. And sitting next to them was yet another old friend. Yes, toss in a few more and there’s a circle of eight of us here which I luckily wandered back into. Add in another two who stayed closer to the Knoxville area and their significant others and you have a circle of twelve. The last magic ingredient is: Andrea, Queen of all Organization. What you get is a yearly, three-day weekend retreat at a cabin in the woods.
Cabin rules: No kids allowed. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Cook one meal for the whole group. And BYOB – plenty of it.
That’s it.
We’ve hit different state parks through the last four years, but this year Andrea found us a private cabin. No neighboring cabins to be seen. And this time: a hot tub.
In the past, we’ve often gone on hikes or just walking about the state park as a group mid-day on Saturday. But not this year. This year our isolation was partially responsible for the sign that graced the front door: “This cabin has been recently visited by Black Bears”. We were asked to follow certain rules pertaining to putting our trash out and to also follow certain safety procedures when walking in the woods.
Daylight Saving – because time zone math isn’t hard enough
We just recently went through the end of Daylight Saving Time. Well, most of us did, some didn’t. Lucky Hawaiians and Arizonans. Actually, Hawaiians have it the best, what difference does it make if they do daylight saving time or not? No one can correctly calculate what time it is in Hawaii anyway.
It’s Arizona that may have the most trouble. No one ever knows which time zone they have an alliance with. On the upside, they don’t have to remember to spring forward or fall back, and never pull themselves out of bed an hour early complaining about farmers. Nor do they get that blissful extra hour of sleep the other 48 enjoy.
Oh wait. Half the time we don’t enjoy it, because we forget about it. We often spend our ‘free’ hour in the fall having shown up for something at the time we thought was ‘on time’. So we waste our hour mad at our friends who stood us up or wondering if no one got the memo . . . only to find out that it was our own fault, and that our hour is gone for another year.
Somewhere there should be a “An Affair to Remember”-esque love story about a couple who agrees to meet, at a certain point and time in mid-November. Only they miss each other, because she realizes it’s Daylight Saving weekend, and he shows up an hour earlier because he forgot to ‘fall back’! Or was the one who set the clock forward the one who’s early?!?!?! It’s just so confusing. That’s why no one has written this epic love tragedy! Who can possibly get it right?
I wonder…
Why do grammarians worry about whether or not to capitalize Twitter – as in ‘to twitter’ or ‘to Facebook’ – but not ‘to tweet’ or ‘to text’. Texting and online posting have no concern for grammar. Why should grammar have a concern for them?
I bet Ke$ha looks beautiful right when she wakes up in the morning.
Can mushrooms get mold? It just doesn’t seem right.
Why don’t Americans understand that every American is an immigrant or the descendant of an immigrant? Even the Native Americans aren’t native (they came across the Bering Strait, remember? That means the immigrated.) I’m not saying there aren’t issues; we clearly need a process that works. But – unless you are a squirrel – just don’t be a jerk about it.
Why does the GRE contain words that the Webster’s Dictionary doesn’t?
