Recently I saw a picture on my Facebook page that attempted to explain all the various social media. It went something like this:
Twitter: I need to pee.
Facebook: I peed.
Foursquare: This is where I pee.
Quora: Why am I peeing?
YouTube: Look at this pee!
LinkedIn: I’m good at peeing.
A lot of people found the mock-post actually useful for explaining the various websites, but personally, I thought something was missing. Where was Pinterest? There are so many options for this . . .
“Look at this picture of my pee” and “Have you tried peeing?” But my personal favorite is: “There are so many uses for pee!”
Thinking I was funny, I shared this thought with my friends. The following will tell you a lot about the people I keep company with.
Here is what I learned after telling my funny line . . .
Urologists claim that the urine of diabetics tastes sweeter.
Sweeter than WHAT?!? And how do they know? A friend actually worked for a urologist who said this. The doctor was not a humorous man.
If you piss at the edges of your own property, it will keep wild animals away.
It’s better if this is done by a male – my friend claims this is because animals can detect gender in urine and the male is more feared. I say this is because males have the equipment to do this without . . . I’m just not going to continue. My mind is already going to some really bad places here.
If you put deer urine in your garden it will keep the animals from eating your veggies.
It will also keep anyone who knows you did this from eating your veggies.
The pee of lactating women can be used to kill fire ants.
Something about lactation makes chemicals that kills the ant communication and they all die. Since the kind of ants this kills are the particularly nasty ones that bite in unison, I’ve had more than one friend who has done this. I want to consider this to be maternal instinct, but think that if a woman is lactating, then her baby probably isn’t out in the fire ants. . .
All of the above are supposedly true. There are rumors about things you can do with pee that AREN’T true, too. . .
Though many people believe that urine counteracts jellyfish stings, this is reported not to work and may actually worsen the reaction.
To my thinking it was always just the evil workings of the mind of a bad friend that came up with this one. “You’re in pain! You’ve been stung! Here, I’ll pee on you. No really, it works.” You know the saying “Don’t kick a man when he’s down”? I think peeing on him counts, too.
The idea that you should drink your own urine when in a survival situation is also a fallacy.
Apparently this will dehydrate you even more. And – let’s face it – you will have drunk your own urine. Bear Grylls (SurvivorMan) suggests giving yourself a urine enema. He says this is more effective than drinking it, as the intestines are designed for absorption. I say, 1) If you survive, lie. Tell them you DRANK your urine. Sadly, this is the more acceptable option. 2) If you are out in the wild with enough tubing, bagging and what-not to give yourself a urine enema, then why the frickin-ay didn’t you bring enough WATER!! When packing for extreme camping water should always take precedence over enema equipment.
So, yes, you can write your name in the snow (extra points if you’re female?), keep warm in the pool (no, I’m not suggesting you actually DO these things!), put out a fire (could work, but dangerous to sensitive places), or possibly kill evil creatures of the fae with your urine.
But at this point I think I’m going to have to laugh at my friends, hope none of this ever actually makes it to Pinterest, and – in the end – suggest you just flush it!
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